today, i ate before anat prac..my whole lunch... n felt terribly comfortable later...tt's scary. I have been desensitized... on other fronts, i am now over my fear of blood! whee! Thanks to my lovely blood prac...i'm so glad i din skip it. It seems some pple these days reconsider skipping classes cos they think of how much they have to part... 16 ooo a yr... ok... i can juz imagine the guilt getting to me if i'd been studying overseas...
everyone's left and sending pple off at airports really gets to me... i feel so depressed about how i'm stuck here.. i really dun want this... but i guess it's fate. hopefully everything turns out for the best... it's just been a month plus n the stress is getting to me... the pple r brilliant... n it doesn't help that i'm so far behind catching up.. we have tests every three wks and even though it's not counted everyone stresses over it. Pple mug behind closed doors and then point fingers at others.. i dunno wat's wrong with studying since we all know everyone else does it all the time, we're pressured to do it too. For heaven's sakes... we're the fac that has the most wonderful timetable and ends the earliest...yet u never see us around. Is this what it's all about... and yet we don't complain...'cos this is all we've ever wanted... and we'll do anything to get there...to the place of our dreams. I wish it wasn't like this... n i dunno if it's juz cos i'm stuck here with the pple i've been with all my life... the same pple who've been like this in all the schools i've been. i'm sick. of it.
I'm lost. about where i am, what i want, what i should be doing, what i value. And i've lost a piece of me to someone whom i really treasure. And things will never be the same... I wish I knew for sure.. and i'll try not to make the same mistake again... lest I hurt someone else i come to care so much about...so maybe i'll still be there when we're 33...u're my dearest friend ever, and i love you. Just wish things could be the same...